


Sublimate

by dmajor7th



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: A difficult childhood, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Poor Jared!, freud would have a field day, implied dissociative identity disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 14:12:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11830395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmajor7th/pseuds/dmajor7th
Summary: Ed is everything that he has seen and everything that he is not.





	Sublimate

** _Sublimate_ **

_To divert the expression of (an instinctual desire or impulse) from its unacceptable form to one that is considered more socially or culturally acceptable._

_-_ The Merriam-Webster Dictionary

 

* * *

 

It will never be taught that the forceful exertion of authority is something to strive towards. 

It is never suggested that destruction is another word for success, that brutality is another word for worthiness. 

Co-operation, collaboration,  _kindness_ ; the deference of the Self for the Greater Good, the meekening and softening of words and actions and even  _thoughts_  to spare others from the harsh reality of their own weakness -  this is what makes a model citizen.

And yet...

And yet who could deny that to be unwaveringly certain in one’s Self, never questioning one’s rightness in how one chooses to exist, doesn’t reach down into the core of our human desire to be recognised as being worth their time and their salt and their social standing.

The guilt of his admiration of Ed is almost, but not quite, as strong as his desire to be him. Ed is everything that he has seen and everything that he is not. Ed is everything that has hurt him and everything he could do unto others if only he could, which he won’t, because he shan’t.

Because Ed is not him and he is not Ed. Ed is another body in the room, a looming presence, a towering giant. Ed is the guy who got the girl Jared liked by pushing him into an empty locker, out of sight, out of mind. 

In Ed's presence, Jared dissolves into nothingness. In Ed's presence, Jared sublimates.

Jared is once again cornered, crouching infinitesimally small in the face of fists and taunts. It's torturous, it's inevitable, and it's entirely what he deserves.

One day, perhaps, he could push back. Little by little, reclaim the space Ed occupies. Tell him it’s not ok to sleep in his bed, to use his toothbrush, to wear his jacket. That it’s _his_ lunch, damn it. If Jared could just start to believe he is worth the paper his name is written on, he would push Ed out of the light and into the corner, where it would now be _Ed_ who has to shield his head against the blows.

But for now he can't. He can do no more than hide in the shadows and hope he is not seen, not noticed, not called upon.

Ed is everything Jared knows he should not be and everything he hopes to.

Ed is Jared if things had been different.

**Author's Note:**

> Though it's such a small part of the show, I didn't feel Ed Chambers and all that he implies could be left unexplored. 
> 
> Also, I'm pretty new to writing fiction. Constructive criticism welcome.


End file.
